FEAR.

For my fear experiment (if you can call it that), I think it's possible some of my classmates will reflect inward on their on lives and futures and others will shrug it off and won't give it a second thought.

Reactions:  I was actually relieved to see that more than a few people in the class had mentioned that they too had tinnitus and it did make me feel a bit better knowing that I wasn't the only one to ever have to deal with a problem like that.  Ultimately, it was tough to judge people's reactions because the room was fairly dark, but I do think that people WERE paying attention and more than a few people attempted to help me find ways to deal with my fear, and for that I am definitely grateful.  Most importantly, when I ran the experiment (playing the tinnitus sound sample) I could see and hear how a few people reacted.  The sound made people uncomfortable, and for good reason.  Some groaned as soon as they heard the sound, instant discomfort.  Others winced and cringed.  Ultimately this WAS the reaction I was hoping to get.

Compare:  For my "predicted" reaction I was actually planning on doing a different fear experiment when I wrote it, so it doesn't really work with what I actually did, but regardless I'd say pretty much the same thing: some people hopefully listened to what I was saying and in some ways applied that to their life while others were just waiting for me to sit down.  Or maybe it was something in between, it's hard to say...

Changes:  If I were to change the experiment I'd definitely keep the lights on, but mainly for me and so I could see the reactions of people's faces, as well as their body language.  I would still ask people to be very quiet and keep their eyes closed, however.  Another thing I would do if I had the means would give each person their own set of headphones to bring the sound that much closer and to make it more personal.

Finally, I would say that everyone's fear/experiment had merit, but James' impacted me the most overall.  James discussed his difficulties with drugs, socializing, anxiety, materialism, cutting and depression.  I responded to his pretty strongly because I felt I could absolutely relate to what he was going through, even if it wasn't to the same degree as him.  I too have had quite a bit of trouble dealing with the pressures of socializing, school and everyday life and often I too think about just ending it all, as I think many people have.  Sometimes the stress of life can get to you and make you think about everything differently, it can even compromise who you are fundamentally.  Seeing that the evils of life don't just effect you, but everybody, even people who you wouldn't expect, was a sobering and powerful experience.  In the end it made me see my project the same, only in a slightly different light.  Everyone has issues and struggles through life and those struggles come in a variety of nasty colors... and sometimes the people who you least expect have the same issues and worries as you.  You couldn't tell by looking at me that I have a fear of losing my senses, and the same could be said about anyone else regarding any other fear... and that's something to keep in mind.

Creations.

One specific time where I was pleased with something I created would be in my graphic design class that I took at Ivy Tech.  For one of our projects we were told to create a concert poster for a band, fictional or real.  At the time Metallica was my favorite band, next to Led Zeppelin so I found some images of the band members on the Internet and did some Photoshoppin'.  Ultimately the poster came out pretty decent and I would consider it to be one of the better things I've managed to create in Photoshop, even if it wasn't absolutely spectacular.  I'll see if I can take a picture of it and upload it at a later date.

Limitations Limit and Sadden. :C

I recall right after I got out of high school I had to go to Ivy Tech for almost two years instead of going straight to IUPUI and starting my college career there.   Why?  Because I was 1 mathematics point away from being accepted into IUPUI.  This means I had to complete certain math classes before I could do ANYTHING at our lovely school.  This not only put a very real limitation on myself and my college career, but it was also pretty demoralizing to know that I couldn't really start doing what I WANTED to do (music, sound design) until I had made all of the bureaucrats happy with my oh-so-important math scores.  Eventually I made it into the School of Informatics, but not without a lot of time and energy being put into stuff that, quite frankly, is totally irrelevant to me and my life.  Thanks superficiality, you win again.

I Was 55 Once.

I will say that I find this assignment, as well as the previous one, to be fairly odd.  I don't base many thoughts around paper clips and what I would do with them, so I suppose I must commend the assignment for changing that up a little bit!  You may have read some of the feel-good stories from my past in my previous blog post and if you didn't, well, you should.  They're important... and they're classics.  You may have noticed that the title of this post doesn't seem to have anything to do with what I am talking about!  Aha, good!  That's good!


EDIT:  Boom, throwin' another edit in this here blog.  I will say this... If I was 55 and I saw the 5ish-year old me and the slightly-older-than-5ish me either sticking paperclips in electrical sockets OR attempting to pick locks in someone's HOUSE with paperclips... I would quite frankly tell them to stop, that's rude.  Again, gotta read that previous blog post or else I'm going to sound like a lunatic.  OR ELSE.   Beth, please don't fail me.  :C